I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Church boner. Awkwardddd
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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