Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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