So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
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