This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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