Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
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So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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