the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
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You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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