I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
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