Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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