I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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