Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
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