rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize