lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
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he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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