Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize