woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize