The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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