Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
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At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
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I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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