I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
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Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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