I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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