probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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