I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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