What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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