he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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