Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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