So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize