You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize