dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
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no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
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You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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