I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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