The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
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Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize