Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
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You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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