i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
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At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Thank you for not boning my boss.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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