from now on my penis is your penis
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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