Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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