The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
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she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
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I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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