I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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