i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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