Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize