the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
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My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
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I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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