He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
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Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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