I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize