even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
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I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
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Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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