i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize