me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
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I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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