That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
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He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
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Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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