everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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