I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
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Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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