Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
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Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
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her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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