used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
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So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
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Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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