just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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