I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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