Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize